Dear Pooh, I love you too!

Before Sandy..
Before Sandy blew into our conciousness , well, it showed up in mine somewhere about 5 days it made its left hook, I was thinking about my "Ode to Pooh."  I am pretty obsessed with weather, it comes from growing up in Cleveland, OH, and being part of a family that incorporates the weather into every conversation we have - because, well, you always have weather..

Pooh and Pam - The Early Days
When I was a lucky little grade school girl, my parents took us to Disney World.  This was not long after it opened - imagine me in plaid pants, shag hair cut.  I burned all those pictures but here are some great pics I found that are representative of the fashion of the times.

 It was during that trip that I learned some harsh lessons, like, sales tax.  I grew up in Delaware, so there was no such thing as sales tax (still isn't).  Imagine my horror after eyeing this little fellow for days in the gift shop, bringing down the precise amount, and finding out I did not have enough money..Thankfully, my parents had a few pennies left from this trip, and gave me the sales tax. Below is my little purchase, he has been with me for nearly 40 years..yep, you do the math.

Pooh circa 1972, now in my bathroom, love you Pooh.

Pooh - The Middle YearsPooh and I both grew up and during those years between being a little kid and being a mom, I still lived a Pooh existence.   This is pretty much my Tao of Pooh during high school and college.

Classic Pooh vs. The Other Pooh - Nursery Fashion Wars
Somewhere in the mid-90's I grew up, got a job and could no longer subscribe to the "Value of Doing Nothing" if I wanted to live a glamorous lifestyle. But, I still loved Pooh.  When we got the word that our party of two would be a party of three, we were plunged into the Pooh Nursery Fashion Wars.  Did you know there are two worlds of Pooh?  If you have ever been lucky enough to have a baby shower or attend one of these amazingly boring events, you know what I am talking about. Apparently "Classic Pooh" is nouveau Pooh, while Pooh of my youth was no longer in vogue. See the style wars below.

Classic Pooh

Not Classic Pooh - though Classic

These were troubling times for those who love Pooh.  How could there be high society Pooh and déclassé Pooh?  But there is one thing I learned throughout all this...

Having a baby will change your world..and all of a sudden, the Pooh above makes so much sense. 

OMG its the Real Pooh...and Friends..

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.

“I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends."

I wouldn't trade it for anything. Never, no, never. Your friendship is the best present ever. 

 Any day spent with you is my favorite day. So, today is my new favorite day. 

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart. 

Pooh...Present...

What else can you say..



Add you own caption..

What is a friend, after all?

Clearly, there is nothing like the combination of a self imposed sabbatical, the death of a parent, and an assortment of other miscellaneous crap to make you sit back and think some big thoughts.  Today, while sweeping soggy leaves off the back deck, and coming to terms with all the changes in my world, I asked myself, "What is a friend, after all?"  Which lead to a series of questions (thankfully, only in my blond head), which included the following..

• What makes somebody your best friend?  
• Can you have more than one best friend?
• Why do we stop being friends with some people (for no particular reason, like, they slept with your husband), and stay connected with others seemingly forever?
• Why do I have completely different expectations of each of my friends, and some get judged far more harshly (in my mind) than others?
• Why do any of these people really want to be my friend?
• Am I a sucky friend or a good one?

I am going to make this conversation a little easier by just eliminating male friends from this blog.  Why? Because, I have many of them, and they are SO LESS COMPLICATED, and that is why sometimes, I prefer being around guys, usually when I don't want to talk about anything important.

In the Beginning

You too??

So, what is a friend?  I think that changes, but when I go to the core of the question, it goes back to a wonderful C.S. Lewis quote, 

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You too?  I thought I was the only one."

I don't think this one ever changes, whether its when you are the little girl who just moved into a new neighborhood, or your first day of kindergarten, college, or when you take your child to their first day of daycare and you cry like a newborn leaving them behind.  

Are you a Collector or a Soloist?

I don't think we start out being one or the other, things just happen, that takes us down these paths.  I think most women are probably collectors, but heck, what do I know.  I just know I am a collector, but I try really hard to be a soloist when I am with my friends..

Soloists - just me and you baby

The Collector -yep that is me in the middle

I don't think one type is better than the other, though, when you are a collector, and your friend is a soloist - (or keeps a small entourage), it can lead to some pretty difficult crossroads.  I never expect all my friends to get along with each other when they are not with me, but I do expect them all to be fake it, at least when I am around.

What made me a collector? Probably a combination of being a tomboy who always wanted to play games (and Barbies at times), moving many times with my parents, and the love of travel.  I love to go see my friends in their habitat.  So..I prefer a circle of friends when they are together..

See, one big circle

But when I get to spend time alone, its quite amazing as well.

Shh..don't tell anyone this, but...

Threesome, anyone?

I think that being one of three children leads to an interesting dynamic.  People always say, "Oh blah blah blah gets left out, " or "Someone has to sit in the middle," or some other crazy saying.  Me, I am actually pretty darn good with have a two friend ride along (as long as they manage to get a long).  Frankly, its the best way to travel...

How I plan to spend my retirement

Maybe, its also because we are just three in my grown up family. Some people have a real issue with this, I think a few of my friends do, but, they seem to tolerate my tendency to enjoy having another person along to fight over the shotgun seat.  Mostly, I do it for them, because I like to go to sleep early, read books by myself, and can get very cranky if I don't eat when I am hungry.  I am probably not always great company, so its good I bring a better half along..

Having three along means someone will always go in the ocean with you

See, I am not such bad company

Make New Friends but Keep the Old..One is Silver and the Others Gold..Bullshit..Usually

When I was a little girl, I was a Brownie.  I was not a very good Brownie, and I was an even worse Girl Scout. Pretty much because I hate uniforms and following rules.. (unless it involves being a cheerleader which = cute boys).

Miss Peters will not be wearing this if it requires a skirt

They did teach us some very cute songs, including the one I quoted above (author unknown). But thinking about friendship, I think this is more apropos..

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest..It's about who came, and never left your side."

If I knew who to attribute this to, I would pay them their royalty and high five them, maybe a fist bump as well.  But I think I am pretty much the luckiest girl alive on this one, I am still friends with women who knew me before I was a girl in a uniform, for that very reason  I just quoted up there in the boldy, italic-y thing...to provide emphasis. They never left my side, even for the vast majority of our lifetimes, when the internet, email, Facebook did not exist.  We somehow managed to be there for each other. Not all the time, just at the right time.. Which leads me to some final thoughts.

Final Thoughts, and answers to none of the questions that I posed earlier...

You never know where you are going to meet your new friend...seriously.  

A good friend always hold your hair back

Be open to making new friends, honestly, I have met friends in the oddest places...if you are reading this, you know who and where you are, a good friend never gives up the real good stuff.  But really, what I just want to say is this...

"A friend is someone who believes in you, even when you've ceased to believe in yourself."

  

I am so lucky to have so many friends!

Way to stay classy Ann Coulter

 I am going to keep this short...

WTF Ann Coulter, you really tweeted this "Ann Coulter ‏@AnnCoulter

Arlen Specter has just switched to the Dead Party."

Did you really think that you were being witty, funny, or classy?  Because, frankly, as a woman who just lost her father to cancer, I find your comments to be disrespectful, harsh and out of bounds.

When I saw the breaking news that Arlen Specter had died, I turned to Twitter to see what was out there.  

John McClain, being the mature adult tweeted, "Arlen Specter - a dear friend who served his state and nation with honor and distinction. RIP."  

Did I always agree with Arlen. No. But did I get him. Yes.  

Why? You always knew where you stood with him. He was an independent minded champion of the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. 

He gave us a lot of material to criticize him about, but as a woman, I knew he firmly was in my corner, and this is not just about abortion. 

He was a good family man, a true Philadelphian, and he loved EVERYTHING Philadelphia, from sports, to Penn, to talk radio.  I will miss sneaking a peek at him on the squash courts!

I used to call myself an Arlen Specter Republican when I first moved here, because he made sense to me.  The tent used to be a lot bigger.  But as the tent no longer had room for folks like us, so Arlen and the rest of us moved to a different tent.   
                                                                                              The last six weeks have taught me a lot about death, and how people say all sorts of awkward things to you when they are trying to be supportive when you have lost a loved one.  But no one deserves to get shit on like this.  

The Specter family is mourning the loss a husband, father and grandfather.  They will gather to share their grief like my family did last month.  I for one, extend to them my deepest condolences and will say to you what many said to me about my father, "Your father made a difference in my life."  It made me cry every time, but I knew that when they said it, they meant it.

So to the Specter Family, "Your father made a difference in my life.  He challenged me to think differently about politics, he made me proud to be a transplanted Philadelphian, and I want to thank you for sharing him with this great state and nation."  

Arlen, when I pull that lever on election day, I will have you on my mind, just as my dad will me in that booth.  I'm pretty sure you two just cancelled out each other's votes..

Arlen

Dad at a Republican Party Gathering circa 1965

Welcome to the Club...Sorry you were invited..

Newcomers Night at The Club
Last night I went to dinner with a good friend, it was a dinner to welcome me to a club of sorts.  No, this is not one of the fancy clubs that you have to get six people you know to propose you, or that requires that you wear white when playing racquet sports... (In full disclosure, I belong to such places and I enjoy them, which is not very liberal of me).  This is a club, that, as my wise friend told me,  "I sometimes wonder if they told you at birth what the price of admission was, you may have asked for a pass."  The name of our club is not a secret, you might have your own version, but I will call it the "Those Who Have Lost A Parent Club."  I belong to a particular sub-club, called, "Girls Who Lost Their Dad Club." 


Thankfully, my mom is alive and kicking...in fact, if she would get her knees done (which she has vowed to do right after the holidays)..she will be kicking..probably for another 25 years.  I could write a whole big blog on my mom, and I promise to do so..but she is okay right now, so I am going to deal with my daddy issues.

Mommy and Me

Dads and Their Little Girls

What can I say?  All girls have different relationships with their fathers.  My sister and I would probably tell you two completely different tales of our dad.  I grew up with my dad being a role model for how I wanted to be professionally, he encouraged me to be an exceptional athlete, taught me how to do advanced algebra by figuring out the over/under on football bets.  When I wanted to play baseball in the boys league because softball was just too easy, he said, sure, why not?  He took me to football games (umm..go Browns, yea Tribe, and even my first Phillies game at old Vet stadium.).  My dad grew up as an only child and his father died in World War II, it was just him and Vanda (and one step dad who was essentially a juvenile delinquent for a few years).  I am eternally grateful to my Uncle Joe, who is still with us at 97, who gave my dad some grounding in being a dad.  We all love Uncle/Grandpa Joe.  But really, dad had to make this up on his own.  Was he perfect..HELL NO..Was he right..usually..

Uncle Joe telling TJ how great a golfer my dad was

Patience

I think the one virtue I have learned as a parent is patience. Dad had patience, I know this because he liked to take me golfing, yes, "liked" to take me golfing, all 18 holes (with a cart!).  This is a great way to spend quality time with anyone, who is patient.  In my dad's healthier days he loved to golf, he golfed with my husband, my son, and was particularly proud of our son's golf accomplishments.  The day Princess Diana died, my husband and dad were golfing together.. You can see from the picture below that they were happy, not only because the Princess had not yet died, but because this was before they lost two dozen balls between the two of them at The Ocean Course at Kiawah. I was also knocked up with said little golfer, but nobody but me knew..nice place..nice memories..don't forget extra balls.

Husband and Dad at the Ocean Course

Princess Diana frolicking in the waves - which is what I was doing while they were golfing

Sorry this is not the wedding you were dreaming of planning...

I think I really bummed out my mom when I decided not to go the traditional white wedding route, and instead chose to get married barefoot at sunset, in Curacao.  My dad was actually relieved that he didn't have to walk me down an aisle and turn into a blubbering mess, so was I...instead this is the picture of my parents at my wedding..

Sitting on a dock watching your daughter get married

Of course, as always, there was a bonus round for my dad.  Curacao has topless beaches..

Woo Hoo Best Wedding Location EVER!

Where are you going with this?

I don't know.  I started off being really sad when I was thinking about writing this, but I had some really fun times with my dad.  He always liked to go to the best or most interesting restaurant wherever we were, take us on great trips, and give us unlimited unsolicited and solicited advice.  In case you are wondering about his restaurant list its like this 1)Longhi's in Maui 2) Osteria (Palm a close second) in Philly and 3) Caffe Capri in Boardman, OH.

A Political Side Note

Well, until I headed off to college my dad and I used to have pleasant political discourse, which is to say, we did not talk about politics.  I moved east, and as we both got older, he became more conservative and I became vastly less conservative (warning! liberals/independents do live in Central Pennsylvania).  He liked to share with my his viewpoints about why my viewpoints were wrong..I pointed out to him that he was no longer paying for my fancy pants lifestyle, so thanks but no thanks.  We really didn't see eye to eye..it doesn't mean that I didn't love him any less, so I took politics off the table as a discussion topic, he occasionally tried to put it back on the table.  I learned to walk away.  Yep, still a god damned independent child.  

Finally...

But still, I was going through a pretty rough patch over the last few weeks, and those who were able to get me through it like no one else were the card carrying members of my new club.  I feel like those who have not yet punched this ticket are in some ways, avoiding seeing me, which frankly, sucks.  

Jesus, you aren't going to make me any sadder, that is not really possible.

So, while the price of membership has been extraordinarily high, I have a lot of work to do to make sure that I am the best member I can be.  There is no quitting this one (like Girl Scouts), but I just hope that I don't see any of my friends names on the proposed membership list anytime soon.

When I was a little Pam

Dad and his girls

THANKS MOM FOR MARRYING THE RIGHT GUY!