What is a friend, after all?

Clearly, there is nothing like the combination of a self imposed sabbatical, the death of a parent, and an assortment of other miscellaneous crap to make you sit back and think some big thoughts.  Today, while sweeping soggy leaves off the back deck, and coming to terms with all the changes in my world, I asked myself, "What is a friend, after all?"  Which lead to a series of questions (thankfully, only in my blond head), which included the following..

• What makes somebody your best friend?  
• Can you have more than one best friend?
• Why do we stop being friends with some people (for no particular reason, like, they slept with your husband), and stay connected with others seemingly forever?
• Why do I have completely different expectations of each of my friends, and some get judged far more harshly (in my mind) than others?
• Why do any of these people really want to be my friend?
• Am I a sucky friend or a good one?

I am going to make this conversation a little easier by just eliminating male friends from this blog.  Why? Because, I have many of them, and they are SO LESS COMPLICATED, and that is why sometimes, I prefer being around guys, usually when I don't want to talk about anything important.

In the Beginning

You too??

So, what is a friend?  I think that changes, but when I go to the core of the question, it goes back to a wonderful C.S. Lewis quote, 

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You too?  I thought I was the only one."

I don't think this one ever changes, whether its when you are the little girl who just moved into a new neighborhood, or your first day of kindergarten, college, or when you take your child to their first day of daycare and you cry like a newborn leaving them behind.  

Are you a Collector or a Soloist?

I don't think we start out being one or the other, things just happen, that takes us down these paths.  I think most women are probably collectors, but heck, what do I know.  I just know I am a collector, but I try really hard to be a soloist when I am with my friends..

Soloists - just me and you baby

The Collector -yep that is me in the middle

I don't think one type is better than the other, though, when you are a collector, and your friend is a soloist - (or keeps a small entourage), it can lead to some pretty difficult crossroads.  I never expect all my friends to get along with each other when they are not with me, but I do expect them all to be fake it, at least when I am around.

What made me a collector? Probably a combination of being a tomboy who always wanted to play games (and Barbies at times), moving many times with my parents, and the love of travel.  I love to go see my friends in their habitat.  So..I prefer a circle of friends when they are together..

See, one big circle

But when I get to spend time alone, its quite amazing as well.

Shh..don't tell anyone this, but...

Threesome, anyone?

I think that being one of three children leads to an interesting dynamic.  People always say, "Oh blah blah blah gets left out, " or "Someone has to sit in the middle," or some other crazy saying.  Me, I am actually pretty darn good with have a two friend ride along (as long as they manage to get a long).  Frankly, its the best way to travel...

How I plan to spend my retirement

Maybe, its also because we are just three in my grown up family. Some people have a real issue with this, I think a few of my friends do, but, they seem to tolerate my tendency to enjoy having another person along to fight over the shotgun seat.  Mostly, I do it for them, because I like to go to sleep early, read books by myself, and can get very cranky if I don't eat when I am hungry.  I am probably not always great company, so its good I bring a better half along..

Having three along means someone will always go in the ocean with you

See, I am not such bad company

Make New Friends but Keep the Old..One is Silver and the Others Gold..Bullshit..Usually

When I was a little girl, I was a Brownie.  I was not a very good Brownie, and I was an even worse Girl Scout. Pretty much because I hate uniforms and following rules.. (unless it involves being a cheerleader which = cute boys).

Miss Peters will not be wearing this if it requires a skirt

They did teach us some very cute songs, including the one I quoted above (author unknown). But thinking about friendship, I think this is more apropos..

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest..It's about who came, and never left your side."

If I knew who to attribute this to, I would pay them their royalty and high five them, maybe a fist bump as well.  But I think I am pretty much the luckiest girl alive on this one, I am still friends with women who knew me before I was a girl in a uniform, for that very reason  I just quoted up there in the boldy, italic-y thing...to provide emphasis. They never left my side, even for the vast majority of our lifetimes, when the internet, email, Facebook did not exist.  We somehow managed to be there for each other. Not all the time, just at the right time.. Which leads me to some final thoughts.

Final Thoughts, and answers to none of the questions that I posed earlier...

You never know where you are going to meet your new friend...seriously.  

A good friend always hold your hair back

Be open to making new friends, honestly, I have met friends in the oddest places...if you are reading this, you know who and where you are, a good friend never gives up the real good stuff.  But really, what I just want to say is this...

"A friend is someone who believes in you, even when you've ceased to believe in yourself."

  

I am so lucky to have so many friends!